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The Goddess and her hair.

Writer's picture: Gail WeinerGail Weiner


I don't think anyone can truly comprehend how dramatic the world of a woman and her hair is. Every female I know sees her locks as an essential accessory, much like eyebrows. But I'm just not brave enough to tackle those furry beasts yet, so let's stick to the hair saga.


As young girls, we spent hours playing with our dolls' hair, exploring a world of endless possibilities. We'd brush and braid, experiment with curlers, and even dabble in hair dye. One day, we'd sprinkle their locks with glitter for a touch of magic. The next, we'd go full goth, dyeing the hair jet black to match dramatic makeup. But when that black dye wouldn't wash out, panic would set in.


"Can we fix this?" we'd wonder desperately. Bleach seemed the obvious solution, but the result? A brassy orange that made us cringe. Not ones to give up, we'd try purple shampoo, only to end up with an unexpected white. "Grey hair it is!" we'd declare, feigning confidence. Our dolls' stark white stood out against their bright wardrobes, a far cry from the perfect, intact hair of a brand-new doll - that enviable shade of blonde we all secretly envied. But these mishaps were just the beginning of our hair adventures.


We quickly learned that our locks were the ultimate accessory, more important than shoes even. If your mane is a mess, it doesn't matter what designer clothes you're wearing - nothing looks right. It's the crown that makes or breaks your entire look. When your tresses aren't cooperating, the outfit falls flat, no matter how fabulous.


We invest a small fortune in our hair care routine: gel to tame the frizz, serum to enhance curls, leave-in conditioner, and pricey deep hair masks. Just when you've perfected those bouncy curls, straight hair becomes the trend. So you buy a straightening iron, but that's soon outdated. The latest must-have? A Dyson zero-frizz miracle worker of a hair dryer. You try it once, and frustratingly, it lives up to the hype. Before you know it, you've spent an obscene amount on a hair dryer. And yes, you absolutely do that without hesitation.


Finding the perfect hairdresser is like searching for the Holy Grail. You want someone who doesn't just nod at a celebrity photo and give you a mismatched dye job - dark brown on top, fire engine red at the tips. Someone who understands that your insanely curly hair, when dried, shouldn't resemble what your son adorably calls "dog ears."


Then, miracle of miracles, you find The One. This stylist gets you, gets your hair. They instinctively know the perfect color and cut to make your curls sing. It's as if they understand your hair's very soul, planning its glorious future. It's not just a stylist-client relationship; it's a marriage of minds.


But then, heartbreak. Your hair soulmate leaves for Berlin with a new lover. You're handed off to someone new. They're nice enough, but they just don't get it - not you, not your hair, not any of it. Your locks look fine, but not great. The compliments dry up. It's a far cry from your glory days with The One.


Sometimes, the love affair simply fades. Your once-attentive hairdresser gets busier, cares less, and you both feel the change. But breaking up? That's a whole new challenge. What do you say? How do you do it? You can't bear the thought of going to someone in their circle; the fallout would be too much for both of you.


So you do nothing. Life goes on, and your hair, in all its mediocrity, trudges along with you. But that itch for perfection never leaves. You need your hair to be more than just okay.


Then it happens. You fall in love again. A new hairdresser enters the scene, bringing with them a fresh start and an arsenal of exciting new products. The cycle begins again.


Am I the only one living this hair drama? Surely not.

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