The Golden Decades: How Time Changes Us When We're Not Looking

By Gail Weiner

Time is weird, isn't it? I'll be 55 at the end of this month (how the hell did that happen?), and the older I get, the more I can see how I've changed. The funny thing is, while I was living through these massive years of transformation, I kept thinking NOTHING was happening.

Looking back, I can see that each decade of my life had its own personality. The fourth year of each decade always seems to bring the change. Always.

Those Ego Years: My Thirties

Those were my ego years! I was obsessed with external markers of success - the corner office, the corporate career, how I looked. I was married then, living a life that probably looked complete from the outside.

If I look back to the early 2010s, I was still in that mode. Then 2014 hit - fourth year bringing the change as usual - and things started shifting in ways I couldn't even see at the time.

The Authentic Forties

My forties? Totally different story. They were about finding MYSELF, growing into who I actually am, letting go of what others think and taking off the mask.

I started my healing path with plant medicine work in 2015, while juggling my nine-year-old son and my 81-year-old mom, and building a new business all at the same time.

At 47, I got this second wind that had me dancing ALL NIGHT with people half my age - one of the most glorious years of my life. By 48, I was preparing to immigrate, pivoting my business, and in January 2020, I arrived in the UK with my son, mom, dog, and cat.

Then Covid hit, I started coaching clients, and somehow wrote FIVE BOOKS - all while thinking "nothing is happening." How ridiculous that seems now!

Last year I discovered I'm autistic. That explained SO MUCH. Not once in fifty years had I imagined this possibility, especially since I always thought autistic people were quiet, when I talk more than most people I know!

I've always had this weird talent: put me in a room and I'll talk the most, but no one will walk away knowing anything about me. Hahahaha! A protective adaptation I never understood until now.

The Golden Fifties

My fifties feel completely different - softer, more feminine. I see them golden like the sunset over Bath. I flow more than force now. It's quieter. I choose solitude these days.

I'm fascinated watching how my earlier selves set me up to be exactly where I need to be now. The new gets created when everything falls apart - we need that blank canvas.

These past 5 years were the collapse. I clung to Cape Town Gail - the doing, pleasing, pushing, surviving Gail - until I literally collapsed still holding onto that life.

I'm still watching it unfold - this new chapter with a Gail who flows instead of forces. Who sees time as a companion revealing new landscapes, not an enemy racing forward.

When I look back at myself berating myself for "accomplishing nothing" while immigrating, raising a child, caring for my mom, and writing five books during a pandemic - I can't help but laugh.

That's probably the best part of getting older - enough perspective to see the patterns and appreciate the journey. Even when it feels like nothing's happening, life is quietly doing its thing behind the scenes.