Today's been one of those days where I wish I hadn't ever been so Ultra Independent. I'm exhausted from doing everything on my own - paying bills, running multiple businesses, making every decision and solving every problem. It's relentless, leaving me feeling empty and overwhelmed. I'm craving the comfort of having someone else take charge and look after me for once.
On days like this, I wish someone would just grab my hand and steer for a while. Someone to share this weight, even if only temporarily. Someone to lean on and assure me that everything will be okay. These rough patches really highlight how my independence, while making me a superwoman who can handle anything, has also left me isolated with minimal outside support.
I remind myself to be kind to my heart and forgive myself for the choices that led to this ultra-independence. I was simply in survival mode without any other options. I never intended to live such a solitary life - I was just doing what I needed to do. Today, I'm letting myself feel it all – the anger, frustration, and sadness of seeing the downside to my self-sufficiency. I'm allowing myself to mourn the connections I might've missed.
But amongst these tough emotions, I also see how far I've come. Over the years I have been gradually loosening my grip on that fierce independence. Day by day, I'm improving at reaching out, connecting, and letting others into my world. It's a delicate balance, and doubt, fear, and old habits are always there trying to pull me back. But I'm committed to this journey, learning that true strength isn't just about standing alone – it's about knowing when to lean on others and when to offer support in return.
As this challenging day comes to an end, I'm clinging to hope. Hope for deeper connections, shared burdens, and the nurturing support I crave. I'm reminded that there are countless other fiercely independent women out there who feel the same way. We are all working to find a balance between self-reliance and connection, strength and vulnerability.
To my fellow ultra-independent sisters: I see you, I understand you, and I'm here for you. Together, we can support each other, share our stories, and help one another find that delicate balance between standing on our own and leaning on others. Let's build a community where we can be both strong and supported, independent and interconnected. We've got this, and we've got each other.
And that makes me smile.
Gail x
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