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  • Writer's pictureGail Weiner

The Ultra Independent and The Narcissist

Updated: Jan 8, 2022

The Narcissist loves the Ultra Independent, not because they view the Ultra as weak but rather because they see the strength that the Ultra Independent holds and know that hidden behind this fierce armor is a vulnerability which they want to find and destroy.

The Ultra views the Narcissist as a challenge, someone to tame. The Ultra is attracted to the Narcissist, as they play roller coasters with the Ultras feelings, just like the environment that the Ultra grew up in.

The Narcissist uses their seductive charm to lure the Ultra into their web, with false displays of affection and attention which makes the Ultra believe the Narcissist might just be ‘The One’.

They will call, text, plan elaborate dates, and treat the Ultra like she is the most important person in the world. This façade does not last long but by the time the Ultra realizes she has been fooled, she is trapped in the Narcissist den, they now begin their games.

The ultra will fight back at all times, she will show her strength while her inner self tells her she can change the Narcissist, she will be the one to help him learn to love.

The Narcissist and Ultra can stay together for years, in feels like it works just fine for both of them. The narcissist has a toy to manipulate and the Ultra believes they deserve to suffer. Suffering is something they have overcome most of their lives, they are strong and can handle this beast who stands before them.

And the Narcissist truly is a monster, the one that pins you down in your darkest night terrors. They will play you like a puppet on a string, feeling no pain at their actions, lies and abuse.

The Ultra remains because she is the fighter, she wants to fight to make this work. She wants to gain control where there is none.

With each day that the Ultra remains, it is more difficult to leave.

When they do leave, It can take years, decades to recover from the emotional and physical abuse that was bestowed on them.

What to do if you suspect you are in a relationship with a Narcissist?


Get up and go.

No matter the circumstances, take your family, the cat, your bag and the house plants and leave.

Get the support you need to understand that you can never control this situation, you cannot change the Narcissists behavior and your self worth is dependent on leaving. Find a trusted person to talk with, slowly build your self esteem, visualize the future you deserve.

Genuinely, I cannot stress this enough, leave, there is no negotiation with a Narcissist

Contact me for one on one sessions at

Artist credit: Mia Bermudez

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